How to Handle Awkward Situations when You’re Naked

Whenever you’re trying something new, awkward moments are almost inevitable. Of course, it had to be you who farted during that first yoga class. It was you who stepped on the salsa teacher’s toes not once, not twice, but three times during a 4-minute song. Not to mention that hiking trip in Spain when you wanted to ask the gorgeous guide to help untangle your rope and said with a big smile “Quíta la ropa, por favor” (take off your clothes, please).

Well, the latter one won’t be much of a problem at a clothes-free place. In fact, someone might say it to you and actually use the word “ropa” correctly. However, other awkward moments can arise, often when you least expect them and at the worst possible timing. We’ve been there and we can tell you that these make for great stories later. Nevertheless, we’ll try to help you navigate through them.

We like to say that there’s only one ground rule in social nudity: ALWAYS SIT ON SOMETHING. Never put your bare butt cheeks on something that is not yours. And even if it’s yours, it’s still polite to put some fabric in between when you have guests over. One rule, how hard can it be to remember, right? We’ll tell you: pretty hard. The question is not if you’ll forget, but when.

If you notice your mistake before anyone else does, quickly correct it by sliding something under you. A brief “whoops” and a smile could be good in case someone had noticed it but didn’t say anything. If someone points it out to you, just apologise and go sit on something. Mentioning that you’re new to this never hurts either.

It may also happen that you forgot to bring a towel or sarong. There’s no immediate need to run back to your belongings or stay standing. Literally anything can be considered the “something”. A t-shirt, a bag, your dog,… just make sure that it covers the sitting area.

Places where everyone is naked are often very social and small talk is common. We found this one of the weirdest things ever. You’re setting up your tent when you hear a friendly “Hi neighbour”, you look up and there’s a naked person towering over you. A simple “hi” back is the only thing you need to say, but let this to be the one word you can’t seem to find.

It’s recommended to always try to keep your eyes at eye level when you’re talking to a naked person. This is harder than it sounds and it won’t always work, but if you try, you’ll be fine. Sometimes, your conversation partner may make it difficult for you. We remember a moment when we went over to ask our neighbour if he had a hammer. He said “Sure, let me get it for you” and then started talking endlessly while his upper body disappeared in the camper and a bright full moon shone straight in our faces. This is a good time to look away and soak up the environment.

Another tip when you’re talking to naked strangers is to avoid commenting on their bodies. It’s pretty obvious that you should not congratulate someone about her boob size, but even mentioning that cute small tattoo may seem like your eyes have not been on eye level at all. Of course, once you feel like you’ve gotten to know each other and you’re still curious about that tattoo, you can ask.

According to the etiquette, you should not stare at other naked people. But observing our environment is in our genes, we can’t help it. If our ancestors had not been carefully looking around when entering new territory, they might get caught by a wild animal. There is a big difference between looking and staring though. Yet, you may find yourself looking just that split second too long, and this will always be the moment when someone catches your eye.

Even when clothes-free places become familiar territory, this may still happen. A thought starts occupying your mind, you daydream about it for a little and just when your brain comes back to reality you see two eyes looking straight back at you. You have no idea whether you’ve been staring for a second or an hour.

The best way to cope with this is to smile and wave. Saying hello is the least you can do when you’ve just been caught checking someone out (intentionally or not). If you notice that they don’t seem satisfied with your greeting, you might want to walk over and apologise, explaining that your mind was somewhere else and you definitely didn’t want to cause discomfort. You could even go for a “sorry, I thought I recognised you”, but make sure it doesn’t sound like a lame opening line.

The number one concern of men who try social nudity for the first time is an unwanted erection. It’s the equivalent of that dream where you’re giving a speech and you suddenly realise that you’re naked. Except that you’re already naked, talking with a bunch of people and you suddenly feel some movement.

We’re not going to lie to you, although it definitely won’t occur as often as you think, it might happen and trying to stop it may only make it worse. The most important is how you handle this situation. There are several options, you can casually wrap a towel around you, if you’re lying down, you could turn on your stomach, you could excuse yourself and go to the toilet, or you can jump into the pool. One time at a nude yoga class, we were advised that possible erections should just plainly be ignored. The only thing that matters is that you handle it discretely.

While we’re talking about common concerns, the biggest concern for women is what to do when you’re menstruating. Here too, there are options. A tampon or menstruation cup could do the trick, but if that makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s also very acceptable to put on a bikini bottom.

There is a mantra in naturism saying “nude when possible, clothed when necessary”. Which basically means that you’re expected to be naked whenever the circumstances allow it. The difficulty is that this can be very personal. Some think it’s perfectly fine to be nude at 10°C while others (including ourselves) won’t undress unless it’s over 20°C. Some think that yoga should only be practised in the nude, while others prefer shorts to do the downward-facing dog.

Going for dinner is another famous example. It happened to us that we arrived at the communal dinner table at a resort and happened to be the only ones naked. At the next resort, we had learned our lesson and arrived fully clothed, only to see all nude bodies.

It’s important to know that this doesn’t matter, if the circumstances are fine for you to be naked, go for it. If you think it’s chilly or uncomfortable, just wrap up. But that’s easy to say and we know how annoying it is to be overdressed or underdressed. So another tip is to bring a bag with some clothes. If everyone else is clothed and you feel uncomfortable being naked, quickly put something on. Vice versa, you can quickly take something off.

By now, you’ve learned what to do when you’ve been caught in an unintentional stare, how to handle an erection, and what better not to say to naked people. But what if you’re at the receiving end of all this? What if someone is staring at you, talks about things that make you feel uncomfortable, or gets an erection and has no intention to do anything about it? Sometimes it may even be more subtle, like someone asking about your job or where you live and you don’t feel much like sharing this.

In these cases, it’s totally fine to politely but firmly say something like “I’d prefer not to talk about this”, “this makes me feel uncomfortable”, or “please give me some space”. If the other person doesn’t respect this, we’re talking about harassment and then you want to warn the staff in case you’re in a resort or walk away if you’re in a public place like a nude beach. Even if you’re unsure about the intentions of the other person, there’s nothing wrong with mentioning this to the staff in an honest way.

As you may have noticed by now, there are quite some unspoken guidelines when it comes to social nudity. We don’t want to call them rules and they’re not written in stone (except for “always sit on something”, that’s a non-negotiable) but they help keep a good atmosphere. To make it even more confusing for first-timers, some of these guidelines differ from region to region.

For example, in Europe, it’s common when you meet a naked person to shake hands. Even in France, where the default in the clothed world is two kisses. In Latin America, hugging is the norm. Not the fake distant Hollywood hug, but more like an “I’m so glad you’re still alive” kinda hug. The first time we got naked in Latin America, we did not expect to get this close this soon.

Also when to wear clothes may differ. In most places, when it gets chilly, people start putting on clothes. But we’ve been to resorts where they rather change the environment by going inside or lighting a fire than get dressed. In Europe, it’s not uncommon to find areas in clothes-free resorts where nudity is not allowed, typically the restaurant and the shop. It’s crazy, we know, and it sucks to be turned away because you’re wearing the resort’s official dress code. But always remember, everyone wants to hear the story that starts with “Let me tell you about that time I walked naked into a restaurant”.