Let’s talk about hygiene when you’re going to a nude beach

The other day we spent an evening with friends and the nudism topic came up. They had just moved to an apartment in Spain in a region that has some splendid nude beaches and although they had never visited one before, their curiosity was tickled.

After all these years of visiting nude beaches, we can answer most questions without even giving it much thought. When am I supposed to take off my clothes? What if everyone looks at me? Won’t there be any creeps? How do I know that it’s really a nude beach? Been there, have given the answers a million times before.

Instead, their major (and pretty much only) concern appeared to be about hygiene. This is a question we don’t get very often. First time nude beach visitors are often so concerned about body image and doing something out of their comfort zone that they don’t even consider things like hygiene. But if it’s that important for our friends, there are probably many others out there with similar concerns. So here’s what we said.

This topic always makes us think about visiting public toilets. We’ve all been there, opening the door of every toilet stall to check for smells and possible leftovers. We check the floor and the toilet seat and feel a moment of pure happiness when we manage to find the perfect toilet. We pull down our pants, sit down and… the seat is warm. That horrific reminder that just moments ago, a stranger’s butt had been there.

Rule number one in nudism is often abbreviated as “SOS”, Sit On Something. Not just for your own hygiene but also for that of others. Whenever you put your naked body on a piece of furniture, make sure that there’s some fabric in between. This is why you’ll often see nudists carrying a sarong or a towel, but just a piece of clothing will do the trick as well.

Other than for hygiene reasons, sitting on something will also improve your comfort. Metal furniture tends to get hot, wood may leave splinters and on warm summer days, there are few things more sticky than a plastic chair. From this point of view, nudist places are a lot more hygienic than bathing suit places, where people do put down their half-nude butt cheeks right on the furniture.

Bacteria are not just spread by humans who leave some sweat on a chair. They can be in the air, in the water, and in the sand as well. By not covering up any body parts, aren’t we just, as a matter of speaking, putting the doors wide open?

It’s a big misunderstanding that any kind of clothes can stop bacteria. They are so small that they literally get through anything. Even if you cover yourself in plastic wrap, they will find a way to get in. In other words, no matter what you do, you can’t really close the doors.

What’s more important is that bacteria thrive in warm, humid places. Like the inside of bikini bottoms or underwear. So wearing a bathing suit on the beach doesn’t just leave the doors open, you’re also putting up a big welcome sign.

Bacteria may be unstoppable, but there are other annoyances on the nude beach that clothes could protect against. Like sand, for example. Here comes the SOS again. You’ll rarely see a nudist sitting butt-naked on the sand. They’ll put down their towel or sarong so most sand stays away from their bodies.

But a gust of wind on the beach can turn your towel into Kalahari Desert and yes, sand will be sticking to your body. And yes, that can be very annoying. On the other hand, if you’ve spent your day on the beach in a bathing suit, you will also find sand inside it at the end of the day. And again in your underwear once you get home. This sand has been irritating your skin for hours and if you had been naked, you would have already brushed or showered it off.

Then there’s the question of beach wildlife. Beach flies, sand flies, ants, no-see-ums, crabs, walruses, all kinds of animals may find their way towards your private parts. But why would they? Your butt is not their natural habitat and they have very little interest in going there. They might bite though, so if you’re sensitive to bug bites, putting on insect repellent is always a good idea. This won’t work against the walruses, if you see some of those coming towards you, it’s better to run.

If, after a day at the nude beach, you do come home with a weird rash, the most likely culprit will be the sun. In all your excitement about your first time going full monty, you may have forgotten that for some of your body parts, it will be the first time they ever see bright daylight. They are not used to this and may react. The proverb about sitting on the blisters will have never sounded this accurate.

The number one way to avoid this is sunscreen. Lots of sunscreen. Sunscreen when you arrive, sunscreen when you get out of the water, and sunscreen now and then in between, just in case. Some sunscreens contain more chemicals than others and while your arms and legs are used to this, other body parts may not. If you want to be certain, use sunscreen for children. As the saying goes: “if it’s good for your baby, it’s good for your butt”. If this isn’t an actual saying, it should be.