We’ve told the story about our first steps into social nudity probably a gazillion times before. So here’s the short version once again: As a birthday present, Lins received two day passes for a Belgian wellness centre of choice. After doing a bit of research, we noticed that at all the really nice ones, bathing suits were not allowed. We would take the plunge, absolutely love it, start searching for more naked places and eventually start writing about our experiences on this blog.
A part of this story we don’t often tell is how we eventually picked “the right” wellness centre. Now that we decided to go for a nude one, we had about 15 to 20 options left, spread around the country. One was just a 10-minute drive from where we lived and its website looked magnificent. But it quickly ended up on the “not go” list. So close to homeā¦ What if we run into someone we know?
We don’t like to admit this, but that thought became a more important factor than what the places looked like or which facilities they offered. We ended up picking the place that was the furthest away from where we lived.
Birds of a feather flock together
A couple of years ago, a naturist resort owner in Italy was telling us about how few Italians came to their place. Not that there are no naturists in Italy, if you travel to resorts in Istria in Croatia, you’ll see a lot of Italian license plates (from experience, we can confirm this). Of course, many people like travelling outside their country when going on vacation, but also the risk of running into their neighbour, baker, or boss played a role in this. What’s interesting about the story is that Istria doesn’t count more than a handful of naturist resorts. If all Italian naturists go over there, it would statistically be more probable to run into someone they know.
We hadn’t really considered this either. For some reason, we figured that if anyone we knew would also go to a nude wellness centre, they would pick the one close to home. It was only much later when we learned that running into someone you know at a naked place is a common fear, that we realised that we had actually increased the odds by going somewhere far away.
Why are we afraid to be naked among the people we know?
In a way, it doesn’t make much sense that we feel more comfortable being naked among complete strangers who we know absolutely nothing about, than among friends, family members, and acquaintances. Yet, there are several psychological factors that can explain this.
One is the secrecy of going naked. The first several times when we went to a wellness centre, and later to a naturist campground, we told absolutely nobody about it. We feared the taboo, the stigmas, and possible ridicule. If we ran into friends, we’d risk that they’d just start telling everyone they had seen us naked at a naked place. Or we’d have to admit our uncertainties by asking them to keep this a secret.
Another one is the vulnerability that comes with nudity. We often use physical appearance like clothes, makeup, and jewellery to mask our uncertainties. When you’re naked, there’s no hiding and people we know may see that we’re not always who we say or pretend to be. Interestingly, one of the great things about social nudity is embracing this vulnerability and the strength that comes with it. But that’s something you don’t know yet as a first-timer.
On a professional level, in the case you meet a coworker or a client, there might be an additional fear for your job or for a disruption of the balance between professional and personal boundaries.
Managing the discomfort
Several years later, with quite some nude experiences behind us, we felt a lot more comfortable being nude among other people. We had already made some new friends in the “naked world” and meeting up with them felt completely natural. One day, again at a nude wellness centre, we ran into a textile friend. She had just arrived and was taking a shower when we caught her glimpse. Stark naked and with open arms we walked towards her, happy to see a familiar face. The moment she noticed us, she took a world-record jump towards her towel.
We had totally misjudged the situation. Our comfort levels were completely different than hers and we should have taken this possibility into account. Thinking back, we wonder how we could have done this differently. Maybe we should have pretended not to see her and let her notice us first, so she could get used to the idea that there was someone she knew before approaching us.
The best case scenario though is that we should have considered her space. We could have waved from a distance, telling her that we’d be in the jacuzzi and that she was welcome to join when she was ready. This is the difficulty with social nudity. Once you get over the discomfort of being naked among others, it feels so natural that you forget what it was like in the beginning. If our friend had walked up to us with open arms during our first time, we might have run off to the locker rooms and headed straight for the car.
Maintaining the etiquette
The “naturist/nudist etiquette” is basically a set of unspoken rules to make sure that everybody is comfortable and feels respected. A lot of it is common sense, like not gawking, not commenting on one’s physical appearance, and not taking pictures of others. This does not change when you’re with someone familiar. In fact, we would say that it’s even more important because these are people you still need to interact with after today and you don’t want this experience to ruin your relationship.
A tricky item on the naturist etiquette is maintaining eye contact. It’s pretty obvious that you shouldn’t be staring at people’s genitals when they’re talking to you, but by nature, humans have very curious minds and having a quick peek is almost impossible to avoid. That’s why we often advise people to aim for eye contact at least 95% of the time. This should be enough to satisfy your curiosity while not making the other person feel weird. However, with someone you’ve only known in the clothed world, you might want to aim for 98%. You definitely don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable and your urge to have a peek will likely be more than usual.
This also counts for what you say or do. When clothed, you may have a relationship where practical jokes are common, but making a friend trip over with a full moon rising may not be the best idea unless you’re absolutely certain about their comfort with being naked. Similarly, jokes about how they look or just stating “WOW! I’m seeing you naked” is better avoided. Neither is saying “I’m going to imagine you naked during every meeting from now on” to your boss a good idea.
Improve your relationship by going nude together
After reading all the previous, we may have just confirmed your fear about running into someone you know at a naked place. You might be thinking that the best solution is to avoid every acquaintance as much as possible. But then you may be missing out on something special.
In many countries, it’s not uncommon to go with colleagues to a bar after work for some beers and informal chatter. In Finland, however, people tend to go to the sauna together after work. As it’s commonly known that nudity makes people more honest and genuine (more than alcohol, actually), this is basically a much better form of social networking. Having seen each other in your most vulnerable form creates a high sense of trust and authenticity.
We’d like you to keep this thought for the moment you see a familiar face in a naked place. Don’t panic, don’t think the worst, but try to see this as an opportunity to level up your relationship with this person. And keep your eyes at eye level about 98% of the time.
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A long, long time ago (circa 1996) my wife and I were lounging at the nude section of Orient Beach in St. Martin (then the site of world-famous Club Orient). All of a sudden we hear a womanās voice excitedly calling my name ā very loudly. We look up to see a naked, elderly woman literally running toward us and waving her arms while she continued to shout my name. As the woman came closer we both recognized her as a retired co-worker from my office (a thousand miles from St. Martin, by the way). I stood up as she came nearer, and she ran right up to me and gave me a big hug. This woman was old enough to be my mother, so there was nothing sexual about it. She just seemed so happy to encounter someone familiar so far from home. It turns out that she was an experienced nudist, while this was just our second time at a nudist venue. My wife, however, was mortified. I recall my wife saying something like, āWhat happens in St. Martin stays in St. Martin, right?ā All these years later I still smile thinking back on that chance encounter. And it certainly got me past any fear I might have had about meeting someone I knew at a naked place.
RR
Actually I would welcome something like that. I would really WANT to know that others shared my interests.
I’m the only nudist in my family. Not all, but most of my family knows I’m a nudist. My sister-in-law thinks nudism is weird but has no problem with me being a nudist. A couple weeks ago she asked me how I would feel if I saw one of my parents naked. I can’t remember what I said. But the answer I would give today is it might feel awkward at first (at least with my dad, our relationship is mildly fractured), but it eventually probably wouldn’t bother me unless they were uncomfortable with me seeing them naked. It’s only awkward if someone makes it awkward. If everyone is ok with it, it probably wouldn’t bother me.
In St Martin, a neighbor. At our local Sauna, a two co-workers and a player on our town pick-up volleyball. And my wife ran into a nudist club acquaintance at a conference.
In all case, we were cool.
I don’t agree that a quick peek below during a converstion will not make people feel uncomfortable. Even a brief glance during a conversation can be noticed by the person you are having a conversation with. Whether this disturbs the other varies from person to person. For people who don’t know you yet or have limited social nudity experience the comfort level of being looked at down under can be very different from people who are naturist friends for a long time.
The rule is : Do not look at the genitals during a conversation, unless you are absolutely 100% sure that this will not make the other feel uncomfortable.
I am not sure if i will ever have an experience where I am in a social nudity situation but I would want to think that I would be cool with seeing someone i know naked vs someone i don’t know seeing me naked. I have showered at the gym at work and coworker saw me naked.
Seeing someone you know must be strange but then both parties realise that the other is a naturist too and that must make the friendship stronger.
My wife and I were at our local nudist resort, playing water volleyball… there was an uneven number of players so one person would rotate out for one round. On the round my wife was sitting out, she was standing next to another woman who was also watching the game, and during the excitement and encouraging words to “get the ball” or “don’t let it go out of bounds”, my name (Logan) was mentioned. The woman next to my wife, asked, did they say “Logan”? She confirmed, and then the woman asked if I was from [xxxx] town? By then, my wife was looking at her a bit sus, but confirmed that yes, I was indeed from there. Well what a surprise, she was my girlfriend from back when we were in middle school (13-14 years old) and we used to ride the bus together to and from school. I hadn’t seen her in over 20 years until then. Well, it was not awkward at all though, but might have been had we been older and in a mature dating relationship before. We all met up at the nudist resort many more times since she and we were members there for a couple years.